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When someone scrolls through Val’s Instagram pageC they can see a recent camping trip she took with friendsC a batch of homemade chicken nuggets and a few of her favorite memes.
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But what they can’t see: ValC 22C got engaged nine months ago to her boyfriend of two years.

She never made a post about the proposal — and she doesn’t plan to.

“We are happy and content as we areC living our lives together privately … no outsiders peering in through the windowsC so to speakC” said ValC who lives with her fiance in San MarcosC TexasC and asked CNN not to use her last name for privacy reasons.
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Val is one of a growing number of young adults from Generation ZC the cohort from age 28 down to teenagersC who are opting for “quiet relationshipsC” in which their love lives — the good and the bad —remain offline and out of view from a larger audience of friends and family.
It’s a new turn back to the old way of doing things: date nights without selfiesC small weddings without public photo galleries and conflict without a procession of passive-aggressive posts. On platforms such as TikTokC creators declaring this preference for “quiet” or “private” relationships rake in thousands of viewsC and on PinterestC searches for “city hall elopement” surged over 190% from 2023 to 2024.

If your prefrontal cortex developed before the iPhone came alongC you may be rolling your eyes. But for a generation raised on social mediaC rejecting the pressure to post is a novel development — and one that experts say could redefine the future of intimacy.

How social media killed romance
Gen Z’s turn toward privacy partly stems from a growing discomfort with how social media shapes — and distorts — romantic relationshipsC said Rae WeissC a Gen Z dating coach studying for her master’s degree in psychology at Columbia University in New York City.

A couple that appears to be #relationshipgoals may flaunt their luxury vacations togetherC picture-perfect date nightsC matching outfits and grand romantic gestures. But Gen Z has been online long enough to know it’s all just a carefully curated ruse.

“It’s no longer a secret that on social mediaC you’re only posting the best moments of your lifeC the best anglesC the best picturesC the filtersC” Weiss said. “Young people are becoming more aware that it can create some level of dissonance and insecurity when your relationship doesn’t look like that all the time.”

IndeedC there are messyC complicated and outright mundane moments to every relationship — but those aren’t algorithmically climbing the ranks (unless the tea is piping hotC of course). This can lead some to equate the value of their relationships with how “Instagrammable” they areC Weiss said.

Frequently broadcasting your relationship on social media has even been linked to lower levels of overall satisfaction and an anxious attachment style between partnersC according to a 2023 study.

Embracing private relationshipsC thenC is partly Gen Z’s way of rejecting the suffocating pressures of perfection and returning to the value of real-life displays of affection.

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